parenting a young adult: your changing role

Ways to support your young adult

Remember that you know your young person well – no list of ‘dos and don’ts’ will be able to tell you exactly what your young person needs, or what they ‘should’ be able to manage independently. Your cultural practices and norms will also shape what is best for you and your young person. Let your relationship with your young person guide you.

It might help to ask yourself questions like:

What else is going on for my young adult right now?

• Situations or tasks that are normally manageable can become overwhelming in the face of challenges or transitions.
  
  
• Illness, break ups, exams, religious or cultural responsibilities, or other stressors might mean that your young person temporarily needs more support.
  
  
• Young adults’ brains are wired to focus on the here and now, which can make seeing the bigger picture more difficult.
  
  

Does my young adult want or need support?

• When children are young, we often try to anticipate their needs. When they are older, asking your young adult what they need can help you to offer support in ways that respect their growing independence.
  
  
• It may be challenging to accept that your young person doesn’t always see you as the ‘right’ person to support them. Try to manage your own feelings around this and let them know that building a support network outside of family is important.
  
  
• It can be helpful to let your young person know that you believe in their ability to manage situations. You might say something like “I know you can handle this”
  
  
• Young adults’ journeys towards independence are not always straightforward – you might find they need or want your support one day, but not the next. Be prepared to go with the flow and adjust your approach if necessary.
  
  
• Stepping back and allowing your young person to do things ‘their way’ may mean they may make mistakes – and that’s okay. Let them know that it’s normal to not always get it ‘right’.
  
  

How do I offer support without it being ‘too much’?

Just like in younger years, diverse experiences contribute to the development of resilience and the confidence that comes with overcoming challenges. If you do step in to help, do your best to offer support in ways that leave room for independence. You might:

• try asking questions that help you and your young adult identify exactly what they need help with – for example, if your young adult is feeling overwhelmed by managing appointments, you might ask “what part are you feeling stuck with?” or “would it help if I gave you a hand getting started?”, rather than offering to take responsibility for the whole process
  
  
• help your young adult break the task down into steps, or suggest a step you could help with – for example “sometimes I write myself a script before important phone calls – would it help if we did that together?” or “would it help to start a note in your phone with all the steps, so you know what needs to happen next.”
  
  
• Let your young person know that you’ll always be there if things don't work out – for example “I’ll be around tonight if you want to chat about how it turned out!” or “It’s okay if things don’t go to plan. We can always find another solution together.”

Other helpful Services:

• Parent helplines are available in every Australian State and Territory of Australia. Google 'parentline' + your state or territory.
• Family Relationships Australia or 1800 050 321
• Beyond Blue or 1300 224 636
• Carer Gateway